People are by nature, judgemental - and this starts at childhood. We were judged at school for how we looked, acted, dressed and talked and we in turn, learnt to judge others. Our parents were judged for how they raised us and our behaviour was a reflection on their parenting skills.. or was it?
I invested many years blaming my parents for many of my misfortunes, bad habits, lack of preparation for the real world and knowledge on how to look after myself in it and perhaps to a degree, it was their "fault." They could've taught me more, let me get away with less and lead by a better example, but the day I became a mother I quickly learnt, my parents did the best they could, with what they had.
Still - teachers, family friends, even some local authorities ( yes, I was the perfect poster child of what could've been an addictive MTV series labelled 'my teen nightmare) were not slow in offering my parents advice on how to raise their own child, give snarky remarks or look at them like they were the worst people on earth.
The only people who have ever offered me unsolicited parenting advice believe it or not - are my friends, partners, acquaintances etc who do not have children. You read correctly, do not have children. Because generally people who do have children, have empathy. Advice is only swapped with my friends who have kids when having friendly chats about what does and doesn't work for our kids. It is loving, supportive and very absent of judgement. Most of the time it is even filled with satire, poking fun of ourselves and our parenting abilities and our children's behaviour of doing whatever they want to do despite our best efforts.
All though it stings, being told you could be doing something better by those who have no idea what it is you even are doing, I take secret pleasure in knowing that one day these people will have their own children and everything they thought looked like a breeze when it comes to raising a human being who is completely dependant on you, physically, financially, emotionally all whilst trying to teach them wrong from right and balancing your own work/social life/health is going to be a sure slap of reality.
Now, all though this has mostly been about people judging parents because of their children, my main issue - is people judging children to begin with.
I have a big problem with people putting labels on children, we too used to be kids, remember? The quiet child who keeps to himself and has difficulty engaging with others is labelled as socially awkward, meetings are called, strategies are put in place to try get this kid to come out of his shell. Even I have (guiltily) seen a child like this and felt thankful that my son was the opposite. The truth is, that kid is probably smarter than the rest of them, there is so much going on in his brain and his analytical thinking will help him with skillsets that most of us wont be lucky enough to have in life, ever.
The energetic, loud, somewhat defiant/cheeky children who never want to do things the way they are structured to be and want to find their own way to follow a process are labelled as "naughty" or a "brat." I was a shit -talking loud mouth who wouldn't take no for an answer as a child and I've learned to make a career out of it in sales and marketing.
We shouldn't try to squash anybody's personality down or force them to be a supressed version of themselves. People are who they are and with the right amount of support, love and guidance, social etiquette and healthy behaviours form as children/people grow. Unlike the judgemental attitude that grown adults choose to have. That sticks with you until you're old, grey, and calling Allan Jones or writing into newspapers daily hoping somebody will listen to your narcissistic rants about how much you hate the world. Build a bridge and move on, before you become that guy.
